Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
