what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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