From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
