Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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