if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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