i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Someone signed my nipple.
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