Apparently you make a good broom.
She said her name was "party"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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