how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
