Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
