Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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