they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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