your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
