why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
