Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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