it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
