Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
