Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
