2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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