She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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