it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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