I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
