Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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