he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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