So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
