Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
