I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
