Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
