she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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