my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
