im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
