She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
