All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
