So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
