I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
