Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

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(416): View more from Toronto

he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...

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(865): View more from Tennessee

all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.

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(440): View more from Ohio

yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.

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(845): View more from New York

You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed

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