do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
