dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't turn off my feet"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
