do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
