my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
