Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
