I wish I only lived at night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
