belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
