I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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