i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I want is dick and wine.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
