I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
