nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
