so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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