this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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