I think I died a long time ago.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
