She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
