shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
