We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
