so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
