i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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