I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
