there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My balls are so social today.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
