Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
