Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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